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Sunday, January 11, 2009

Beyond Elementary

Who would have thought that having a college degree could come in handy as a stay-at-home mom? This week I've been grateful to have some knowledge of subjects way beyond an elementary school level. For example...



CIVICS - This subject helped me identify Henry's incorrect response to the question :"What will you do when your baby sister comes?" Among his answers were: A) Kiss her , B) Hold her, C) Push her down . Obviously, "C" was the incorrect answer. Now if only I can convince Henry of that...




NUTRITION AND FOOD SCIENCE - This subject helped me prepare a diet for Henry that resembles the Food Pyramid formerly found on the back of cereal boxes. Lets see... I think all of the groups are covered - Crunch Berries, Wheat Thins, and Ritz Bits. Finish it all off with an Oreo Cookie and Henry's good health is basically guaranteed.



LITERARY THEORY - This subject allowed me to save minutes of time when Henry selected a very wordy book from the library. My impressive knowledge of literary structure and form allowed me to reduce 3 paragraphs to a mere one sentence without compromising the content of the text.





Reasoning and Rational Decision Making - This subject allowed me to extricate Henry from the toy aisle of Target by reasonably explaining to him that we did not need to add another toy to the mountain he received at Christmas. This reasoning clearly worked, as we were able to exit the store that day. Unfortunately, said exit was preceded by a wild chase down the aisles, severe crying, and me balancing Henry precariously on my pregnant belly while also navigating the shopping cart.



GEOMETRY - This subject came in handy when, after a quick trip to the basement to do the laundry, I arrived at our apartment door to find that Henry had decided to lock the deadbolt. My re entrance to our apartment was much aided by repeated requests for Henry to look for the "top circle" and to turn the "line." After several minutes of these geometric commands, the line was finally turned and Henry and I enjoyed a sweet reunion. Just for the record, it was found that hysterical yelling and kicking of the door were ineffective methods for re entrance.




I don't know. After this week, I'm beginning to think I may need an advanced degree.

10 comments:

Cheryl and William said...

I nearly have a doctorate and I don't think that it would have given me any better help . . . I think that Mothering is a PhD in its own right!

Molly said...

It sounds like you and I excel at many of the same subjects. Oh that's right, we both have a 2 1/2 year old boy! I love Henry's new haircut!!

kim and morgan said...

Oh dear! So glad you graduated. What a relief!!! Love that you incorporated all the colors in all your basic food groups.

Stacy and Mike said...

Hilarious!!! I have encountered doors being locked lately too. I might need to enlist in an anger management course to help in those unfortunate times.

ps. Of course I want to be invited... so invite me please.

pss. I know you have more than 3 readers they just have not learned blog etiquette which is to ALWAYS leave a comment.

Karen said...

I recently had a similar experience, and thought I'd share it with you. I needed to put my kids' carseats in my parents' car and figured I'd let Ethan play in their car while I was unlatching them (you know how fun it is :)) When I got to their car with one of the carseats, I realized that he had locked the doors and the key was inside the car. Immediately I panicked and started banging on the window, yelling "open the door, Ethan!" Of course, he didn't understand why I was freaking out. Eventually he pushed the right button after my repeated "push that button on the door", but it really scared me. :)

rk said...

Great post, Kim. I agree with the first comment--we should receive honorary PhD's for mothering.

Are you guys freezing cold where you are? It's so exciting to experience record low temperatures here in Iowa. It feels so important and historic. Never mind that I am so dang sick of the snow and cold!

Christiane said...

I was actually laughing out loud reading this post and my sis-in-law that I was insane. Great blog! And glad you got back into your apt...

The Beckstead's said...

I think the reason why they don't have any college courses on parenthood is because if anyone told you how challenging it would be before hand I don't think many people would have kids. But then again it might be good because there's plenty of people out there that really shouldn't have kids. Anyway, how's the pregnancy? You haven't spoken much about that. When are you due? By the way, you never came to the office while you were in town - thanks a lot!

Marci said...

I needed a good laugh and this fit the bill! I too have been locked out by my dear children, you showed the importance of teaching shapes before letters! The difference now is when they lock me out, they know exactly what they are doing! I have also been doing some pregnant belly juggling tonight I balanced Nathan and blanket while I vaccumed to the sound of Annika crying!

janel said...

Ha! This is a great post. Perhaps you can publish it and market it to high schools and college admission committees!