Beyond Elementary

Who would have thought that having a college degree could come in handy as a stay-at-home mom? This week I've been grateful to have some knowledge of subjects way beyond an elementary school level. For example...



CIVICS - This subject helped me identify Henry's incorrect response to the question :"What will you do when your baby sister comes?" Among his answers were: A) Kiss her , B) Hold her, C) Push her down . Obviously, "C" was the incorrect answer. Now if only I can convince Henry of that...




NUTRITION AND FOOD SCIENCE - This subject helped me prepare a diet for Henry that resembles the Food Pyramid formerly found on the back of cereal boxes. Lets see... I think all of the groups are covered - Crunch Berries, Wheat Thins, and Ritz Bits. Finish it all off with an Oreo Cookie and Henry's good health is basically guaranteed.



LITERARY THEORY - This subject allowed me to save minutes of time when Henry selected a very wordy book from the library. My impressive knowledge of literary structure and form allowed me to reduce 3 paragraphs to a mere one sentence without compromising the content of the text.





Reasoning and Rational Decision Making - This subject allowed me to extricate Henry from the toy aisle of Target by reasonably explaining to him that we did not need to add another toy to the mountain he received at Christmas. This reasoning clearly worked, as we were able to exit the store that day. Unfortunately, said exit was preceded by a wild chase down the aisles, severe crying, and me balancing Henry precariously on my pregnant belly while also navigating the shopping cart.



GEOMETRY - This subject came in handy when, after a quick trip to the basement to do the laundry, I arrived at our apartment door to find that Henry had decided to lock the deadbolt. My re entrance to our apartment was much aided by repeated requests for Henry to look for the "top circle" and to turn the "line." After several minutes of these geometric commands, the line was finally turned and Henry and I enjoyed a sweet reunion. Just for the record, it was found that hysterical yelling and kicking of the door were ineffective methods for re entrance.




I don't know. After this week, I'm beginning to think I may need an advanced degree.